


The Worst Plan

by blackmoth765



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Gen, humor?, im so sorry, posting this for the hell of it really lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2020-07-09 00:56:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19878949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackmoth765/pseuds/blackmoth765
Summary: One daring individual sets out to accomplish what no human ever has... and probably never would.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really wish I could say I wasn't sober when I posted this, but that would be a lie. Any who, absolutely love Villainous. Flug is the best. Fuck editing I should be getting ready for work

It was a dark night, that night when I decided to do something, that, in retrospect, was probably the end of everything I’d ever known. I was on a quest for truth and justice. And it would end just as abruptly as it began.

The plan? To break into the lair of one of the evilest beings in existence; the residence of the one and only W H I T E H A T. A demon who prided himself a hero, committing acts just as and often more so monstrous than his villainous counterpart.

As far as plans go it was a simple one. but, at the time, I considered it my magnum opus. Truly, I’d never been more proud of my mind’s intelligence or more astounded by how legible my handwriting was magically appearing on paper. Seriously, I’m not joking, it was like calligraphy or something.

Anyways, as I said, the plan was simple.

First, an untraceable phone call would be made to the residents of #5 Leggings Lane at some time before 3 am. An emergency, the prime minister’s “secretary” would say!! There’d be no choice but for the main three to head out immediately, to the capital. And no one could know!!! Cause lives were, after all, at stake!! And government secrets, probably, I don’t know.

Anyways, this would leave their base, for the most part, unprotected, save for the doctor’s built-in security system, and the looming presence of his most horrifying creation: 606. A ginormous, fluffy, razor-toothed abomination; a purple monster with the strength and lethality of a dozen polar bears squared. I.e., 144 polar bears (give or take).

How you might ask, would I consider this to be an ideal set-up for infiltration? Well, without the demon, doctor, or mutant to contend with, that only leaves me with two(ish) obstacles. One simple phone call and I’d eliminated 60% of my problems! At least, if we pretend that they’re each equally problematic.

Anyways, while I’d wait for problems 1, 2, and 3 to go away, I’d hide in the bushes (staying well away from Mr. B’s petunias) with all my gear ready and in hand, set to go as soon as they were exiting the house.

Three, the time slot where they’d be leaving would have security temporarily lowered and the beast distracted. Aka the perfect moment to slip in—through the first-floor bathroom window, mwahaha!!! Seriously though, what idiots decide to leave the first-floor bathroom window open? They were practically asking to be robbed (though technically this isn’t a robbery).

From there I’d leave out some honey laced with sedatives (cause who doesn't like honey?) in the kitchen and then find a place to hide (beneath the kitchen sink, maybe?). it would only be a matter of time before the beast returned inside and scented the delicious nectar. They’d be knocked out within 30 (give or take), leaving only the security system—which would pose more of a problem on the way out but I’ll get to that later—to contend with.

Using my incomparable stealth skills (developed under the cruel hand of Scout Leader Gram) I would make my way through any traps or sensors in place and get down to the basement where they’d undoubtedly built their lab of evil.

With the aid of my trusty, dusty video-cam I would collect the appropriate evidence and publish it to the internet!!!! Their true natures would be seen by all and immortalized across the web!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAAAAAHAAHAAA!!!!!!  
A wonderful plan if I do say so myself.

So, how?

How did everything…

t u r n o u t s o w r o n g?

Really, I don't understand.


	2. A better plan?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But not really...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m high up in the sky and I’m sorry I’m posting this, but please, if you’re reading these words now, I hope you at least sorta enjoy it and stuff etc etc etc life

“-is what will happen if you try any of that horse poop you call strategy,” said your young comrade of around nine. “Honestly!”

“Alright, well, what is there to do then? I don’t like Jenga all that much, you know?” 

Erin did not know. 

You huff and, “What’s our plan, then?”

“I’m glad you asked,” they said, voice all too serious. “First! we need to do some recon. Learn their schedules and all that. Then, second! we find an opportune time to make our move, and then—“ they paused and frowned for a moment. “By the way, can you hack into a security system?”

You shake your head.

“Right, okay. No worries, I can work with that.

“So! since we won’t be able to turn off their security system, we’ll just have to be very fast and totally anonymous. And that means ski masks. With like rhinestones, cause what the Barney?”

Erin gives a quick bow and you clap.

“Well, as your babysitter, it’s my job to babysit you. If that means breaking into somebodies house simply for sh—stuff and giggles, then so be it.”

“Sure!” 

And that was that.

Long story short, you never babysat Erin again, and every time you walked to school and Erin’s mom was walking Erin to the elementary school—the look she gave you, it would haunt your nights for weeks.

Not as scary as Mr. White Hat could be, but scary enough.


End file.
